Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Peppermint Brothers

"I like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, all the time. I eat them for breakfast, lunch, and of course, dinner. Prior to this infatuation, I was eating olives by the bottle. This gave me terrible gout, at the age of 14. I would still try to sneak olives from any salad bar I might wander past. My mother put a quick end to this. The same would go for my peanut butter sandwiches. I believe it was cyanide, which she was using to lace the snacks that I was compulsively eating. They became terribly sour, and simply inedible, and after ingestion I would have the worst bowel movements. Terrible, the things she would do to prevent this disorder from keeping me from a normal life. As if my brothers were so normal.
They are twin brothers, actually, named Sal and Steve. I was named after my Uncle, but I have no idea where my momma came up with Sal and Steve. She never told me, at least, and I'm pretty sure the twins never cared enough to ask. They were always much quieter than me. See, I had all sorts of problems, er, I should say I have lots of problems. But the twins always kept to themselves, to their wing of the family house. There might even be days before I see them. And they were real smart. Not that I was stupid, but I think the twins definitely showed my potential--on the case that we are all related. I guess I never wanted to live up to that kind of potential.
They went to college at a real young age. Almost the same time that I got my boating license, they were up at that Massachussettes School for Math, MIT. And, I heard, from time to time that they had gotten real smart, and was breaking all sorts of math records. They even won awards that they would send through the mail to our house. My mom would polish them and put them all over the house, in just the most ridiculous of places. She even hung one in my bathroom.
After their schooling they were supposed to go to some other schools to further their degrees. But, they opted out as a result of one of their beer dispensing designs getting bought. Now, in almost every bar, you can see the Peppermint logo on the taps of the beers on draft.
They moved out to Long Island City, New York, where they apparently set up some shop. I guess, they live there, but it is also where they are designing and building all sorts of scientific devices.
I worry about them"
-Stan Peppermint

They both hopped out of their respective vehicles without hesitation. One lead, the other immediately followed, directly behind the other. They would switch off leading, however, and their was no formula in their movements. They loved each other for this. There was never any calculation in their thoughts when together, which actually made their science experiments much easier. Their minds would converge, and solutions to rather difficult problems would appear. When separated, as rare as that ever was, the work would almost be unbearable.

The brothers were named Sal and Steve Peppermint. They had been working together since birth, really. Born only a minute apart, birthdays which they celebrated each year with chocolate cake. When they were of age, they substituted cake for large quantities of beer. They were so in shape however, one could never guess that they were such heavy drinkers. The 10 miles a day, running under the many bridges and by all the parkways, expressways, and highways around their long island city warehouse, kept them in a healthy condition.
In fact, they had a remarkably clean bill of health.
And they were fucking rich.

No comments: